Perhaps we’re talking at cross purposes, but I don’t really think it’s necessary to find a “balance” between those things because I don’t believe that they need to be in tension. Yes, at the deepest level we are all one and we are all in it together. Yet at the same time each of us is responsible for his own life. Taking the responsibility for other people’s lives serves neither one of you. For example: should you stay in a job or a relationship that you have outgrown because it would be more convenient for the others? Leaving might cause them some pain; but if you make it your job to protect others from the responsibility of their own feelings, then you can no longer guide your own life.