Hi Raam, I've read some of your posts and find them intriguing. I have never met someone that approaches life the way you do in that you devote yourself to seeing its beauty and trying to understand it while others I know, although they may share the same sentiments, are so easily caught up in the 'normal' world; a world of material wealth and adhering to a flawed society. I thought that if anyone could help me, it'd be you.
I want to try and change the world. The scale isn't as important as the individual effect to me, not yet. I want to be able to help people by first changing myself and the way I live, and I understand the need to first change the way I think, so I intend to travel and see the world; not just with a youthful curiosity but with the desire to better myself.
Unfortunately, I'm 17. I have another year of college (I'm British – 'college' comes before 'university' for us) ahead of me beginning in September, and so can only hit the road next year. I thought about dropping out and making my own way in life, but after the care, effort and money that my parents have put into my education, placing themselves in heavy debt for my sake, it wouldn't be fair to throw that in their faces now. They have already accepted that I won't go to university. And yet, this education only seems to teach me closed mindedness – my disillusionment at the world I continue to live in only fuels my anger at everything around me.
I just returned from a 2 and a half week trip in which I set off alone and cycled/camped for a lot of reasons. I learnt more about myself and was reminded of many of life's lessons I'd forgotten, and for what felt like the first time in my life, I experienced complete freedom; no strings attached.
In less than a week I'm leaving for a month to go hiking and am sure to feel that same feeling, but the short time I've been back at home has shown me that I can't readjust. I've experienced freedom and I just can't go back; nothing here holds any joy for me anymore and the pointless distractions I'm surrounded by only remind me of what I'm missing out on. I fear that, when I return in a month to go back to college, I'll struggle even more. I don't think I can be happy anymore until I'm away from it all.
Have you ever suffered from this? Do you have any suggestions?