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Endings and Beginnings

Today my daughter will complete her first trip around our Sun while breathing this Earth's air. It's hard to believe that so much time has passed. There are days I wonder why I'm spending so much of that time working on my computer, but I'm reminded that my need to provide for her is as much a part of life as the unrelenting forward momentum of time.

My life has changed a lot over the past year and with it has seen a change in the way I write, create, and share my thoughts and experiences. Its been hard to set aside time to write, time outside of what I already put in to making a regular income as a computer programmer. Its been even more difficult to find the energy to edit my intimate thoughts into a format that I feel comfortable sharing with the world.

The logical work of writing computer code has largely been the only thing that I've found the desire to write, as writing anything else feels so energetically taxing that it seems all but impossible.

I often wonder if my exhaustion is only the result of not getting enough sleep and programming all day, or if it has more to do with the energy that goes into soaking up each and every moment I spend with my daughter, an activity which has grown inexpressibly joyous with the passage of time.

Writing in my private, offline journal has itself been a challenge, but I knew that I would greatly regret not doing so if I stopped altogether, especially in these first months of being a father, so I push myself to write, sometimes in multi-hour marathons dumping the events and half-recalled thoughts from the prior few weeks where, despite having so many moments that I wanted to put into words, I found no energy or motivation to write.

Maybe living in the moment is just too enticing at times. And worth being enticed.

I started the paid journal subscription in November 2011, two years prior to the birth of my daughter. That was three years ago. At that time my life was quite different and a subscription-type offering felt like the perfect fit for me. However, that format no longer seems to fit my writing style nor my lifestyle and it feels like I've been ignoring that reality for far too long, a fact which itself has impeded my ability to publish anything at all.

As of today, I'm ending the paid journal and will instead focus on publishing free work on my site and putting together books that I can offer for sale.

All paid subscriptions have been canceled and, as promised, if you wish to request a full refund from the start of your subscription, you can do that. In any case, everyone who has paid for a subscription will be added to a special list and you will receive a free copy of everything that I release going forward, forever (unless you choose not to, of course).

I don't know how to express my gratitude to all of you who have showed me support since I started the paid journal. Thank you.

A year ago my daughter was about to be born. She was a week late and her parents had no idea what they were getting themselves into, nor how many sleepless nights lie ahead. I had no idea how my writing would evolve or change or how that event might change my goals as a writer.

I can say now, with certainty, that despite my relative quietude over the past year, my writing ambitions are as alive as ever. I hope that you stick around to see what's next, but, most of all, I hope that you hit reply on this email and just say hello. I would love to hear what's going on in your world.

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14 Comments

  1. Can’t wait to see what’s next in your path Raam 🙂 I just love reading your thoughts and ideas. Your perspective on life is inspiring. Thanks for the update!

  2. Raam ~ Thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing your truth here! I’ve just found your journal and I am deeply moved. I relate so well. Time becomes more than precious as our Little Ones grow so quickly!

    I’m incredibly thankful for your programming work also, as I am developing my site with your Independent Publisher theme. I feel sure that it can help me reach a significant audience and share my message with impact.

    I would actually love your help figuring out how to center my titles, please.

    Again, I am so glad to connect with you and thank you again for all of your amazing work.

    • Hi Mary,

      Thank you for your comment. 🙂 I’m so happy you’re enjoying the my site and finding a purpose for the Independent Publisher theme! Yes, little ones grow _so quickly_!

      Regarding your question about centering titles on the theme: I’m not sure what you mean. Could you please post your question with an example of what you’re trying to do, over on the [Independent Publisher Support Forum](http://wordpress.org/support/theme/independent-publisher)? I’ll get your question answered over there. That way, if someone else is trying to do the same thing, they’ll be able to find your question and my answer over there. 🙂

  3. Lovely post and I’m wishing you all the best personally and professionally. Reinventing, adjusting ourselves to new insights and redefining what’s important, meaningful and working is a very good thing (and hard).

    (I’m a happy user of your theme and love the way you approach life)

    • Thanks so much, Erik! I’m happy to hear that you’re enjoying the theme. 🙂

      Reinventing, and more importantly I think, realigning ourselves as life changes is so important to continued growth and learning. Redefining what’s important and then adjusting our goals (and our time and focus) accordingly ensures that we can successfully realign, but as you said, it’s not easy.

  4. Keep on Raam-we all have times when our writing and thoughts just seem to dry up-I feel I am at that stage now-but I have found a new love now in my DSLR and photography-it’s another learning curve for me to conquer at the age of 67(well nearly)-I find it exciting to explore all the possibilities of light, to try and create something that has that ‘Wow’ factor-rarely happens at this stage, but it only takes one great shot to make me happy!
    Children certainly alter our lives and thoughts-in a good way-thank you for sharing your thoughts and philosophies, and best of luck for the future

    • Julia, thank you for your comment. It’s inspiring to hear someone–with as much life experience as you–finding joy and fulfillment in learning a new craft. It reminds me to enjoy the moment and not feel rushed to do everything, as there will be time to explore other things later. And if that time doesn’t come, at least I would’ve enjoyed each moment of the time I had. 🙂

      Thank you for sharing a bit of your journey with me.

  5. Hey Raam, glad to see you’re still making so much progress in life! Can’t thank you enough for what you said last year – i made my blog and poured my heart into it, and it’s made life a lot easier. For lots of reasons I lost my motivation over the last half year; I fell into a lot of traps… but I’ve decided to drop everything and leave Manchester. I’m getting back on the road in a week, and I’m more determined than ever to make a difference in the world. Thanks again mate, take it easy.

    • Hey Andy! It’s good to hear from you! I’m happy to hear that you’re finding a way out of the traps you fell into–it happens to all of us and it will no doubt happen again; what matters is that you pull yourself out and learn from the experience. That’s how we grow and evolve as human beings.

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