Trip Date Confirmed; Inner Turmoil Found

This is big.

My feet will be on the opposite side of the planet two weeks from now.

Barring any unforeseen problems, I will board an airplane on the evening of March 13th, 2010 and arrive in Bangalore, India on the morning of March 15th, 2010.

My lifelong dream of becoming a nomadic explorer will finally come to fruition.

How will this experience change who I am? What will I discover about myself? Where will the journey take me? Will this be the start of a lifelong love for travel? Will I ever settle down?

As I prepare to throw myself into the deep end of the unknown, with no solid plans and with very little idea what to expect, these are some of the questions I find myself asking. I don't know what I will find, or for that matter what I'm even looking for, but I know that my internal compass is telling me that this is what I must do.

I look back at the past 28 years of my life and I see everything that has led up to this point. Somehow, I always knew this is where the journey of life would lead me -- I just didn't know what to expect along the way, what lessons life would teach me, or what challenges it would throw at me.

The past few weeks have been full of unfamiliar emotions, unusual life lessons, and very difficult decisions (more on these in my next post). I've felt more lost in the past few weeks than I can ever remember feeling at any point in my life.

I was not prepared for the emotional impact that this upcoming trip would have on myself and those around me. I wasn't prepared for the feeling of abandonment, desertion, and selfishness.

It's nobody's fault. I know that everybody is excited, perhaps even jealous, of my upcoming trip. I know they're happy for me and that they want me to go and have this experience. Everybody has been extremely supportive, even going as far as inviting me to stay with friends and relatives in other countries, and for that I cannot thank them enough.

This inner turmoil is something that I created and that only I can reconcile. It's a challenge I must face.

I know that by taking this trip I will actually be helping everyone around me. I try to remind myself of that every day. I know that it will improve who I am as a person. I know that it will enhance my ability to inspire and motivate others.

I need to take this trip because that inner voice that has been telling me to do this is no longer whispering. It's yelling.

As the departure date approaches and all these unusual and unknown feelings creep in, I'm beginning to think that this journey will be more a soul searching mission than anything else.

Have you made a similar lifestyle change? Are you currently in the process of making a similar transition? Have you faced similar challenges? If so, how have you dealt with them?

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  1. I admire your courage, Raam. Not only because you actually go to India, but because you have the courage to act upon your inner voice. I wish you all the best of luck and look forward to read more!

  2. It’s interesting. But you can’t argue with the inner voice – it doesn’t get you far.

    Sometimes we have to do things to realise we didn’t need to do it.

    Of course that means we did need to do it.

    Sometimes we need to do go find something or someone, to help, love, reconcile with, or be inspired by.

    Wherever I am, whatever I’m doing, forward is an inner direction that I know I’m going in when I feel challenged but determined.

    • You’re right, Ali. Every time I’ve tried to go against my inner voice I have faced an immovable wall — nothing gets done and life seems out of whack!

    • So true! The worst thing we can do for ourselves is to allow fear of the unknown to dictate our personal growth. I consider myself quite fearless and open to new experiences, but this upcoming trip is having an unusual effect on me. I guess I should take that as a hint that this journey will have a profound affect on my life. 🙂

      Thank you for the comment, Walter!

  3. The time has come…

    We’ve known each other for years and I knew one day you or myself will be traveling… Thinking of the younger years at your parents lake, trade shows, White Mountain.. oh the memories.

    The time has come…

    Overcoming the reactive mind isn’t a one time process, but a daily practice.

    The time has come, enjoy.

    With love and respect,

    – Sarith

    • Thank you for the comment, Sarith! 😀

      Yes, so many memories. It’s strange how such a short period of our lives can stick in our minds for so long. Even though we don’t see each other very often, I’m glad we’ve been able to stay good friends over the years. Your thoughts are always insightful!

    • Good quote, Sarith. . . you remember well.

      The mind is reactive by nature and needs to be trained to respond instead of react. The training is the daily practice, and life’s daily events are the practice ground, the training camp.

      There is never really a need to go somewhere special, because each and every person is already special and the only path we need to take is the Path Within. Finding that Path can be difficult, and staying on that Path can be even more difficult. The difficulty is created by the presence of our own ego. We need to ‘get our self out of the way.’ That self is the small self, which appears much bigger than what it really is.

      Eventually one realizes that self-involvement is not self-evolvment. Self-evolution—the expansion of consciousness–is true self-expression. Self-involvement is self repression, it is self-limiting. Breaking our limits means going beyond our ego-self (the person we think we are as opposed to the person we really are). Keep Shining!

  4. I’ve always said, “Go big or go home.” Well Raam, it looks like you’re going big. Congratulations on accomplishing what you want to do. I support you!

    • Thank you for the kind words, Derek!

      If we’ve only got one life to live we may as well go big and risk failure, right? Otherwise we’re wasting a perfectly good opportunity!

  5. Raam: It’s a big step. It takes courage even though you feel turning this corner is what your life has been leading to. Details/event that make such an impression at the time of occurrence can be as suddenly lost so journals are good companions. Fun cannot be overrated. The very best, Ginny

    • Thanks for the comment, Ginny! I plan to use this blog as my personal journal and I will use a paper notebook for keeping notes while I’m unable to use the computer. Writing about the experiences as soon as they happen is definitely important. It’s incredible how many little details are lost to memory!


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